Muffin

The weekend's been madness, what with a profound lack of sleep, mad rushing to meet with friends, family, move out of the hostel and a strange web absence of a whole 2 days! My meme is leaving today boohoo. And I've lots of stupid photos of her in a sexy dress and retarded ones of the girls that I will post up sooner or later, once I get down to finishing up that poster for my prof.

Today, yc's dog Muffin was euthanised about an hour ago. He put up a fight to the very end, being the tough dog he was. Poor boy was suffering and scared but it had to be done. As I comfort yc over the phone, I'm heart broken for his family and him, and sad about how our pets become such a part of our families that when they have to go, it's madly painful to make the necessary decisions.

And I am reminded of Socks, and how she passed on not long ago. The memory has stuck with me so hard I find it hard to remember her in any way but the way she died.

I stayed up with her all night, through her seizures and constant pain, until morning when I collapsed into bed and refused to head to the vet's with my parents. I am reminded how I didn't even have the balls to carry her to the clinic, and comfort her as she went down, because I didn't want to face it, I didn't want to see her die. I went to sleep in the morning and when I woke, she was gone, and the house was empty, and I felt regret, and self-loathing, and that I'd disappointed her so much in the last stretch. More than ever, I want to turn back time, to be the one to carry her in the car, onto the cold ground on which she will lie, scared, trembling in fits and fear, to comfort her, to hold her, to say goodbye for the last time.

But I didn't. I'm proud of yc for doing it, and I will never know what it is like to be there with my dog, while she dies, when she stops breathing, and to say I was with her til the end. I miss her terribly, and I will miss Muffin too, for what little opportunity I had to know him. He was tender, loving and kind, and I wish he is happy now.