who is the rightful lord of the universe?

God was female.

And according to the Da Vinci Code, still is.

God is the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Say a prayer now (translation in parantheses):

FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!

(flying spaghetti monster)

PIE SAUCUS DOMINE

(merciful lord of tomato sauce)

RAMEN

(amen)

Or is it the great Spaghetti and Pulsar Activating Meatballs (SPAM)?

God is the Invisible Pink Unicorn.

Or maybe an Invisible Green Dragon.

Unholy is the Purple Oyster of Doom.

For I did see my unworthiness in Her sight, for I was a sinner, destined forever to spend existence in the presence of the unholy Purple Oyster; Waxing his shell and massaging his most wretched and slimy feet. For, lo, the Purple Oyster doth truly have feet, and the legs thereof, and the toes thereof, giving him dominion over all the clams of the seas, and allowing him to go unto the children of men, and tempt them unto destruction.

-- The Revelation of St. Bryce the Long-Winded (Partial), Chapter One, Verses 9 to 11

Perhaps atheism is the right way to go.